The wait is almost over! Just Wanna Be Loved is getting ready to enter the final phase before publishing. To thank my readers for their patience, check out the sneak peek below.
Wrapped up in his thoughts, he thought he was tripping when he heard his doorbell.
“Who the fuck…” Haneef said out loud. He knew it couldn’t be Kimberly, unless she was stalking his ass, because she only ever been to his condo in the city.
Caught up in his thoughts and wracking his brain about who was interrupting his peace at one in the morning, Haneef didn’t even think to pull up his phone to check the front door camera. He got up and threw some pajama pants on and went to see who the hell was at his door.
What he found was the last thing his brain could have conjured.
Kira stood in front of him with an oversized sweater, tights, and biker boots. Her hair was a configuration of tight, natural curls sitting on the top of her head, and her eyes were puffy.
Haneef’s first thoughts went to when he saw her outside her house after a night of worrying about her mental state and her physical health.
“You straight, K?” Concern overtook his initial annoyance.
She just stared at him, and his worry increased.
“Haneef, I love you. I need you!” Kira blurted out.
Haneef’s eyes widened, and he rubbed his hands down his face, not believing that Kira was at his door with her declaration of love.
This damn girl, he thought. Here he was thinking she was possibly having another mental breakdown, but no… she was in front of him, yet again, being selfish.
Kira was quiet as she stared at Haneef because she knew him well enough to know he was gathering his thoughts.
Haneef wanted to not snap at Kira. He could read the emotions on her face, and she looked like a sad puppy displaying regret all over her face. That wasn’t what really made him want to snap, though. It was the look of desire that was also shining in her eyes. The hope that she actually had another chance with him that lingered in the depths of her gaze. That was what made Haneef want to snap. It was her audacity.
He wasn’t falling for none of that shit. His reaction to her pop-up visit would be much different from the ones in the past where he would fuck her into submission.
Now, he stood there just there and was just angry… okay maybe a dismal amount of lust, but not enough to quash the anger zinging in his ears.
“Mannn, Kira. What are you doing here?” Haneef finally cleared his thoughts and responded with frustration. He decided to ignore her earlier statement and try to get straight to the point.
“I’m here because I wanted, no needed, to tell you that I still love you. I never stop loving you, no matter how fucked up I was. And I know I still have a lot to work on, but I believe in myself now… I trust myself to be in a relationship. So, I guess…” Kira trailed off nervously. “I’m coming to see if you still love me. It hurt to watch you walk away from me when we were at Serena’s. Like it literally made my bones ache and my muscles cry out.”
Nope. Don’t fall for this shit, nigga.
Haneef’s thoughts were a cross between wanting to let Kira in and curse her ass out.
“Kira, I’m in a relationship. Ma, you can’t do this… you can’t just show up at my spot. Especially when you know I’m in a situation.” For a split second Haneef wanted to say fuck his situation, but he wouldn’t be that man, and he definitely wasn’t going to tell Kira that.
“A situation is nothing compared to what we had. I know you still love me.”
Now, Haneef’s anger soared to another level. The continued audacity of Kira’s behavior, her feeling like she could show the fuck up at his door when she knew he was done with her… the entire situation was the toxicity he was trying to avoid after her breakdown.
Talking about she’s better and that she knows he still loved her… Haneef’s blood was boiling.
“K, this ain’t no fucking fairytale! You can’t show up, professing your love, and think we’re going to ride off into the got-damn sunset. This is real life, my life. And the fact is, you broke my fucking heart, shorty – not once, but twice. Then you show up here, knowing I got a girl. What if she was here? This shit is mad disrespectful, K. It’s fuckin’ foul.”
Haneef just stared at Kira. He didn’t have anything else to say to her. But still… he couldn’t get the strength to slam the door in her face like he knew he should have either. Then, he noticed tears welling in Kira’s eyes, and his anger diminished. It was slowly turning into guilt, and concern for her emotional state.
Nah, nigga… don’t go there. The girl is just fine. She’s not glass; she’s not going to break.
Haneef had to remind himself of these facts, because if he and Kira ever got to an okay place, where they can be in their friend group comfortably, he wouldn’t treat her as if she was damaged or if she needed to be coddled. He knew she wouldn’t want that, and it would take too much energy on his part.
“I’m sorry,” Kira whispered. “I’ll leave.”
Let her go, nigga! Let her ass go! Haneef told himself as Kira began to retreat.
Before she could get far, Haneef grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him. The strength and precision of his movements brought Kira flush to his chest.
The quietness of the night, and the cool air, encircled them as their gazes stayed locked on one another, searching for answers that neither were confident would ever come. Each could tell that the other had an array of emotions going through their minds, but it remained quiet, with no truths being spoken. However, Haneef was first to recover from whatever spell had trapped them into a momentary abyss of nothingness.
“Look, Kira, this isn’t the move. Honestly, even if I weren’t in a situation, I don’t trust you. I know you’re working on you, but I can’t take a chance on you believing that you have your shit together.”
Haneef brushed away a few runaway curls from her ponytail and stared at Kira for one last gaze. A part of him wanted to kiss her, but he wasn’t prepared to open that can of worms. He couldn’t. It would do too much damage to the both of them.
“Continue to focus on you, ma.”
When Kira didn’t respond and only stared, he finally let her go and allowed her to walk away.
Thank you for being as invested as I am in Kira and Haneef’s love story!! Make sure you stay tuned for the finale!